Spike Man and British Boy
by MooShoo-The-Wise
Summary: What happens when Yugi and Ryou, two mastermind criminals in a pink Barbie sports car, get exposed to radiation, become superheroes and are framed for theft? IT'S UP TO YOU! See bio for details!
1. The Accident

I'm back! That's right! Another fic! The thought has been dread by all. . . but I don't care!!! This is going to be one really random fic. . . and hopefully funny as well. . . but hopefully random!!!  
  
Now normally I would be doing a disclaimer about. . . now. But I don't need to tell you I don't own YGO. No one here should. . . unless it's YGO cards. I own a lot of them . . . On with the story!  
  
~*~  
  
It was nighttime, as it normally is at the start of most horror stories and films. But this night was different to most nights in those stories, because it was not dark and stormy, and this is a humorous fan fiction, not "Frankenstein's Revenge".  
  
On this night, alarms were going off all throughout Domino City. Innocent civilians were running around in circles screaming as they do, 'town heroes' attempting to group the worried towns people together. But while all this is so interesting, and as an ice cream truck with a machine gun was zooming across Mount Rushmore being chased by mutant killer bees, I must write about something entirely different, otherwise I could be flamed a lot for not writing about the summary.  
  
Police cars were zooming in and out of traffic, frantically chasing an unknown duo in a bright pink Barbie-decorated sports car. Inside the car, a short spiky-hair boy was lying in the back of the car, playing with the diamond he just stole, while a white-haired boy with a British accent drove the car. "Yugi?" the British boy asked. "When, or should I say IF, we get to our hideout, and we manage to stay away from the cops, find our way to the Russian black market and make millions from selling the Shine-O-Rama. . . what then?"  
  
Yugi thought for a second, and then said, "You know, I don't know Ryou. We could continue our crime spree, but we need to take care of our Yami's." Ryou shuddered at the word, and pictured his aibou lighting matches and spraying them with toilet deodorant. Suddenly, Ryou saw something. "Yugi?" "Yes Ryou?" "That sign said we're heading towards the nuclear waste dump. It's a dead end there. We can't make it- GREAT SCOTT!" A bullet zoomed straight past Ryou's head. The police were gaining on them and there was nothing to do but drive.  
  
"No!" Yugi yelled. "They're aiming for the tires, and we're almost at the waste dump-" Without warning, a bullet hit the left tire of the Barbie sports car, and the duo went spinning out of control, heading closer and closer to the barrels of waste. . .  
  
CRASH, BANG, BOOM, CLANG, SMASH, SHAZAAAM. . . you get the idea.  
  
~*~  
  
A few hours had passed since the unnecessary sound-effect scene, and Ryou woke up in a very uncomfortable position that most contortionists would gasp and applaud at. Looking around (still uncomfortably, his head was caught between his legs and a loop in his arms), he noticed nothing but stone, stone, Yugi, steel bars and more stone. "Yugi! Wake up, old chap! Were in jail!" Yugi just rolled over onto his back, mumbled something like, "That's the last time I trust in the Heart Of The Cards! I want Dark Magician, not Ceasefire!" and instantly started snoring.  
  
Ryou untangled himself to find that next to Yugi were a pitcher of black cordial, two glasses and two plates of gruel. "YUM! Cordial!" he exclaimed, and instantly poured himself a glass. Yugi abruptly woke up and said, "I wouldn't drink that, Ryou." Ryou was surprised. "Why not Yugi? Everyone loves black cordial! Kiwi is the new Apple Blackcurrant!" Yugi sighed and said, "That's mouldy water." I needn't say what Ryou's first reaction was.  
  
~*~  
  
OK, OK, it was lame. Am I right? Anyway, R+R please! This is only the beginning of the fun!!! 


	2. All That Glistens Is A ShineORama

Yes I am back with more! Thank you to my reviewers (it was very damn fast!) for those very nice comments. But now, back to the story. And damnit, do I have to say it every single time? Oh fine, I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh!

The sun shone through the jail windows as bright as a hotdog on a gas fire, as Ryou and Yugi sat trying to figure out any means of escape.

"We've been sitting here for hours, Ryou. Face it, were stuck here-

"Aha!" Ryou yelled. "We can dig a tunnel out!" Yugi was not impressed. "How about, using the cups and pitcher, we can distract the guards, then we can steal a pneumatic drill from someone and then drill our way out!" he said sarcastically. Ryou sat gaping, open-mouthed, at Yugi's intellect. "It was a joke Ryou." His mouth shut.

Ryou was calm, considering the situation. "Cheer up old chap! We'll find a way out! How about you bribe the guards with your Dark Magician-"

"NNNNEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!"

Yugi was stumped. "Face it Ryou, we're trapped! Damn these stupid bars! Damn that stupid Shine-O-Rama! Damn these stupid stone walls! Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!" Yugi screamed as he ran towards the wall trying to ram it down. He bounced of it like rubber. "It's no use.. why me, damnit, WHY ME?"

"Don't forget me too, old chap!" Yugi glared at him. Ryou decided this day was bad for him.

"I hate this place!" Yugi said, while banging his head on the wall. "I hate it (thud) I hate it (thud) I hate it (thud).."

"Uh, Yugi?"

"I hate it (thud, plonk, sproink) I hate it (thud, plonk, sproink) I- yes, Ryou?"

"Look down" Ryou said, in a strange tone that made him sound not so British.

As Yugi glanced at his feet, he screamed in horror as he saw his hair (in spiky triangles) lying on the ground! "My hair!" he yelled, touching the top of his head. "My hair is gone, gone for.. ever.. but I can fell it at the top of my head.. Ryou is my hair normal?" Ryou nodded. "Except the fact that it's glowing green from radiation."

Yugi nearly fainted. "GREEN? RADIATION? I was near no radiation in the past 24 hours, except when we had that car accident and the nuclear waste dump and- oh.. right.. great, so my hair falls of and grows back? Oh yeah, just like the MOVIES!" And now we can escape from prison really easily by- Ryou, stop staring at my feet!" Yugi looked down and hyperventilated. He was hovering above the ground. And that was good, because if he wasn't he would have hit the ground really hard when he fainted.

Ryou was nearly screaming with horror, almost clapping in amazement, almost partying with joy and almost finished using Yugi's razor-sharp pieces of hair to cut a hole in the wall.

Yugi woke up about half an hour later back at his house, with his Yami standing over him with a tray of slightly burnt biscuits and hot chocolate. Where would I be without him? Yugi asked himself.

"Welcome back, mastermind criminal. How was jail? Probably better than the Egyptian ones, am I right?" Yami said mockingly. He shut up after Yugi gave him his famous "I-know-what-you-did-last-summer-apart-from-teasing-me-about- my-height" look.

"Ryou told me everything about last night. Don't worry, I won't tell anyone. But he told me you were flying, or something like that. Is this true?"

Yugi didn't really know what to say. He could tell him, and would be taken away by reporters and scientists, or he could keep it secret. "No, of course not! Ryou must have been a bit delusional after the accident."

Yami frowned, while chewing on a biscuit. "Delusion? He looked OK when he came here. Anyway, how did you escape from jail?"

Yugi paused. "Uh.. we.. bribed the guards with Ryou's Dark Sanctuary and Dark Necrofear. They were fake, of course."

Yami shrugged. "Good plan. Now you just lie down and get some rest. Ryou is just upstairs if you need to talk."

"Oh, we need to talk alright.." Yami looked at him strangely. "..about Duel Monsters!" Yami nodded and walked off, and said under his breath "Talk about OCD.."

Ryou appeared at the top of the stairs just before Yami left the room and, seeing Yugi on the couch, said "Oh good, you're awake. Listen Yugi, we have to talk about-"

"Last night?" Yugi finished.

Ryou nodded. "Anyway, you know how you were hov-"

Yami walked in with precise timing, talking to Yami Bakura in a despising tone (as always), arranging their next water bomb fight. (Yami would never tell, but some of the balloons were filled with wine. He was upset that, even though Yami Backura had been drunk, hadn't been arrested yet.)

After he had gone, Ryou continued. "..Hovering and your hair was re- growing? Do you think, well.." do you think that's good or bad?"

"Bakura," Yugi said, "It's not like I'm going to get myself an outfit with spikes on it and go around fighting crime. But it could be useful for some things. Like our crime spree.."

Ryou held back a giggle. "Yugi, my crime days are over! I hate jail. It stinks. I don't want to go back there any time soon, old chap."

Yugi shrugged. "I guess that's reasonable. I don't blame you. Jail was invented to show people that Hell can be used as an understatement. But we don't have to get caught!"

"Yugi, what you said about fighting crime.. that is a possible option-"

"RYOU! I'm a criminal who nearly stole the Shine-O-Rama, and you expect me to turn good and fight the people following in my footsteps? Of course I won't! Any way, I'd need someone to help me, and from what we know, you may not have any 'powers'.

Ryou nodded, but he wasn't so sure what Yugi said was right. "I guess so, old chap."

That same night, a dark figure crept through the streets of Domino City, heading towards the museum. Using a makeshift grappling hook, the person climbed to the top of the building. Cutting a hole in the top of the museum, they then lowered themselves using a simple rope system and, very carefully and soundlessly, dropped to the ground and approached the sparkling Shine-O-Rama..

Ryou woke up the next morning as usual: got up, got dressed, had breakfast. This time it was some bacon and eggs, wonderfully cooked by his aibou. (Yami Bakura had gone to a weekend cooking school and had mysteriously received top grades. He never spoke about it.)

As he walked into the living room, the doorbell rang. It rang at least 50 times before Ryou answered it. It was Yugi, panting like a dog. "Channel 42.. news.. Shine-O.." If Ryou wasn't there, Yugi would have received major brain damage.

Dragging Yugi inside, Ryou put him on the couch and turned on the TV to Channel 42. On the screen was a reporter, standing out side the Domino Museum. "We have discovered that last night, someone managed to break into the museum and steal the Shine-O-Rama. Our top suspects are Ryou Bakura and Yugi Mouto, who have once tried to steal the diamond and then, amazingly, broke out of jail, using a knife of some sort to cut a hole in the wall."

Ryou turned the TV off. He had had enough of this criminal mastermind thing and now he was a prime suspect on the loose? What had the world come too? Maybe it's the apocalypse, Ryou thought. What happens then? Will dolphins rule??? Do I have special abilities like Yugi? Is Yami ordering pizza tonight? Is Yugi going to- Great Scott!

"Ryou what on earth are you thinking about?" Ryou didn't answer. "Ryou? RYOU?" Ryou was staring out the window. Yugi followed his gaze, and his jaw dropped as he stared in horror as the police cars surrounded the house..

Yeh, pretty weird but I'm not too good. You know the drill people! Please R+R! Pretty please? What if I used my puppy-dog eyes, would that help? Huh? Hello?


	3. Up's, Down's and Broken Lightbulbs

Hullo again! Sorry about the –ummmm- delay. Or rather, pause, stop-work, or just plain out "I Was Busy/Lazy". I'd be surprised if anyone thought I was still alive. Anyhoo, my sis got me back into spirit so here comes another chapter of Spike Man And British Boy.. clap please!!!

Oh for God's sake, thought Yugi, I'm never going to get out of this mess. Police are after me and Ryou, I can 'fly', and I have a new power of malting. WTF sums it all up really.

"Oh crap," said Yugi

"Oh crap," said Ryou.

"Oh crap", said someone absolutely unnecessary in this story, found skinny- dipping in a small village in the Alps.

"This is the Police!" shouted a voice from outside. "Come out with your hands up!"

_It's not like we have weapons, dumb-ass_, thought Yugi.

Yami Bakura entered the room, on the phone. "OK, OK, don't get so worked up about it. It's just a bit of water, that's all. I mean, it's not as if the frigging police are going to arrest us both because their car got some water on it-" Ryou coughed, and as Yami Bakura looked up, his face went as white as… well, a guy with a white face. "Son of a- What? Oh, nothing, don't worry. I'm just going to go upstairs now. Yup. No reason to be alarmed. None at all…" His voice faded as he ran the last few steps upstairs, followed by the sound of multiple doors slamming, locks sliding into place, and the sound of a hammer busy at work.

"This is your last warning!" shouted the police, "come out with your HANDS UP!"

Ryou gulped very loudly. "This is it," he said, "we're going back to jail, no matter what."

Suddenly, a misplaced light bulb was teleported over Yugi's head, and shone brightly. After Yugi finished thinking, though, it dropped to the ground and smashed.

"I've got it!" yelled Yugi excitedly. "Ryou, come here! Where's the back door?" Ryou sighed. "They'd see us if we ran out there, Yugi."

Yugi grinned. "We're not running, Ryou. C'mon, the chimney will do fine." Ryou realized what was going on…

...he didn't like it at all.

"No way Yugi," he said. "I am not gonna do that, especially with my aibou around."

Yami Bakura suddenly appeared at the top of the stairs. "_Moi_? What can't you tell me?" He put on a sickeningly wicked grin, like that of a guy with a wicked grin, times 5, all merged together. Shudder with fear.

"Um, weren't you barricaded upstairs just 10 seconds ago?" asked Yugi.

"Yeah, well, I get bored easily. So, what can't you tell me? Huh? Huh? _HUH? _Oh man, a penny! Shiny!" Neither Ryou or Yugi could see a penny anywhere. "Oh, no wait, I was doing something… oh, yeah, right, tell me that thing that you can't tell me!"

Ryou glanced at Yugi. Yugi glanced at Ryou. They both sighed. "Alright," Yugi said, "we'll tell him. Sworn under secrecy though."

"Alright, tell him."

"ME? YOU tell him! He's YOUR Yami"

"You tell him!!!"

"No, YOU tell him!!!"

"No, YOU tell him!!!"

"No, YOU tell him!!!"

"No, YOU tell him!!!"

"SHUT THE HELL UP!!!" yelled Yami Bakura. "Tell me at the same time!!! On 3, OK? 1...2...3!!!

"Yugi is gonna fly us out of here" they both said.

Right now the phrase "stunned mullet" really is useful for describing the look on Yami Bakura's face - part confusion, part surprise, and part "What the f--king hell are you two delusional nimrods talking about?".

"Huh" is all he could say.

"C'mon Ryou, lets get out of this place".

"Yugi," Ryou said while crawling into the fireplace, "since when could you control your flying anyway?"

Oh crap, thought Yugi. "Umm, it's like in the movies, you know?" Ryou shook his head. "Oh, well, you have to concentrate all your energy into one little ball, and then throw the ball at the "FLY" section of your brain. You know?" Once again Ryou shook his head.

There was silence.

Very long silence.

Very long awkward silence.

Yugi broke the silence about a minute later.

"Shit."

Ryou nodded in agreement. "Alright then, lets give it a shot."

Yugi nodded and concentrated. Very hard, he thought, all your energy into a ball. A cricket ball, if you must. And it's being hit WOW! Nice 6-er there Gilchrist, straight into the crowd and that 18 year old's gonna sell it on eBay, the lucky little-

"Yugi, how's it going?"

"Don't rush me alright? I'm trying! I'm trying!"

"You don't need to. I think it's activated by stress or something like it. By the look on your face just then, probably amusement, side-tracking, or envy of an 18 year old who just caught Adam Gilchrist's cricket ball and sold it on eBay. But you're flying anyway."

Yugi looked down. He was halfway up the chimney. "Okay, hold my foot. It's the only way up for you. Ok, that's it, and Ooooooh, you're heavy. OK, up we go!"

It was a very exhilarating experience for everyone. It was exhilarating for Yugi, as he was flying for the first time ever. It was exhilarating foe Ryou, because he was flying by holding on to someone's shoe. It was exhilarating for people at home, because Monica and Chandler just adopted a baby. It was especially exhilarating for the police though, because they raided the house eventually only to find Yami Bakura standing in the lounge room shouting up the chimney, "Yugi! Ryou! Do you have anything to do with the broken light bulb on the floor?!?"

"Where the hell are we going anyway Yugi? Yugi? YUGI!!! Stop that! I'm afraid of heights! It's exhilarating enough already! YUGI!!! YUGI-OH GOD!!! YUGIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!"

To put it straight:

Yugi was having fun swooping in the air.

Ryou wasn't.

OK, I myself think I've lost a bit of my touch... but YOU decide that! RR pplz please! What the heck, if you do, I'll give you a blueberry muffin. On the house.


	4. There's Something About Ryou

And yes it's true that I KICK A! Soz, ive been watching JibJab. It's that time of year again… I update. (Hehehe). And this is no ordinary chapter… it's…  
THE ULTIMATE CHAPTER! No, not the last, but something special happens, and it's not a cameo appearance from Britney or Justin (ew)… btw, there will be no muffins… don't ask.

"Look up in the sky!" said a man. "Are they birds?"  
"Are they planes?" asked a woman.  
"Actually, that's a migration of birds" said a know-it-all scientific person.  
"Woot!" said the first man. "You owe me 10! I won the bet fair and square!"  
In the middle of this flock of birds were Yugi and Ryou, being pecked to semi-consciousness.  
"God damnit!" yelled Yugi, "I HATE these birds!" He ripped off a piece of hair and threw it at one of them.  
Back on the ground, 5 minutes later, the scientist was busy studying what the random multi-coloured spike in a dead bird's body was.  
But enough about the people on the ground. Ok, Yugi was getting really pissed off at the birds, and the fact that that his foot hurt from Ryou. Ryou was getting really pissed off that he was 50 ft up in the air hanging on to Yugi's shoe. A FRIGGIN SHOE, for God's sake!  
Ryou voiced his theory. "You know, Yugi, this is really pissing me off."  
"Well you know what Ryou?" Yugi asked. "I DON"T GIVE A SHIT! I'm the one with you hanging onto about my freaking shoe, being pecked by an inordinate amount of birds, your complaining about YOUR so-called problems, PLUS, all my blood is rushing to my head. Wait a minute! Why is the blood rushing to my head?"  
Ryou shrugged. "Beats me, but it's happening to me too."  
So the two of them sat there wondering what the hell was going on. Yugi lay down, and Ryou sat cross-legged with arms folded. Wait… "YUGI!" yelled Ryou. "I just realized, why are my arms crossed?"  
"Umm… coz they… are?"  
"No… think about. I'm not hanging on to your shoe. Which means…"  
"…that you are falling."  
"Yes!" exclaimed Ryou. "I'm falling instead of flying. Yet you are level with me. Which means…"  
"…that I'm not flying. We're both falling." He paused. "Shit" he added. "That explains the blood in my head, the increasing size of that meadow there, and the vertigo I'm experiencing now."  
"Yugi, please, hold it in. I don't want to die with vomit on my head" Ryou commented.  
So the two counted down the seconds… 10… 9… 8  
"Yugi?  
"Yes Ryou"  
7… 6…  
"I just want you to know before I die…  
"OH GOD RYOU, PLEASE DON'T TELL ME YOU LOVE ME!"  
5… 4…  
"NO, GOOD GOD! Of course not! I just merely wanted to mention that I still have some Shounen Jump magazines of yours."  
3…  
"Oh… righto… it really doesn't matter now, does it"  
2…  
"No, I guess not."  
"But in the next life, you owe me."  
1…  
"Goodbye Yugi."  
…  
"Goodbye Ryou"  
…  
…  
…  
boink!  
"Boink? Since when does impact from 50 feet up in the air go 'boink!' ?  
"I dunno" said Ryou. "But it might have something to do with that."  
Yugi thought about that. "Something to do with _what_, per se, or is it best I don't know?"  
"Well, if you like the colour blue then yeah, go ahead and look."  
Blue? Yugi thought. What has blue got to… oh. Right. What the HELL is that?  
What Yugi and Ryou were looking at was worthy of what both Ryou had said and Yugi had thought. It was blue, and they didn't know what the hell it was.  
"So… what does it do…?  
"I dunno" said Ryou again.  
What it was: a sphere. Or so it appeared. It was blue, but semi-transparent blue. Yugi and Ryou were both sitting on top of it. Yugi jumped off it and prodded it. It moved inwards where his finger was, but resumed its normal shape when he removed his finger. "It's like a sack of gel!" he exclaimed.  
Ryou jumped off it too, and said casually, "Well, we are alive, and that's good enough for me. Let's just get the HELL out of here."  
Yugi nodded, but was suspicious of Ryou's casualty towards the fact that they had just landed on a mysterious and amorphous blue blob that appeared from no-where. He turned away and walked in a random direction which he hoped was home.  
Ryou waited for a moment before following Yugi, but quickly concentrated his thoughts onto 'What should I do with this blob?' He decided to keep it, so picked it up and quickly ran after his friend.  
What Yugi and Ryou were about to find out came as a shock to both of them, especially Ryou. "Hey Yugi, catch!" he said, and threw the ball at Yugi, who spun around to catch whatever Ryou had thrown. He turned around to see Ryou holding the blob in his hand.  
"Ya know Ryou, if you want me to catch it you have to throw it first" said Yugi blandly. Ryou was struggling with something. "I can't get it off me!" he exclaimed. "This damn thing won't come off!"  
As if by magic, which is close enough, the blob slowly shrunk. Smaller and smaller it got, until it was roughly the size of a ping-pong ball, then it sunk into Ryou's hand, and winked out of existence.

"Buh" was Yugi's first comment. "Guh" was his second. Ryou's was "Shit, Yugi, what the hell was that?" Of course this was answered by numerous words ending with '-uh'.  
Ryou asked curiously, "Where did my little blob go?" Yugi answered, "Juh," followed by, "Dunno mate, but can I please get back to uh-ing? Kuh... Luh… Muh…"  
Ryou had a thought. "Blob" he said, thinking of the blob. "No, not a blob… a… forcefield?" He tried again. "Forcefield" he said, thinking of the bl-forcefield.  
Suddenly, the blo-shit, forcefield, appeared in his hand the size of a ping-pong ball. "Ruh!" shouted Yugi, as the blob (ah screw it) grew to the size of his hand. "Suh!" he shouted, as it grew to the size of his head. "What the fuh?"  
"I don't know Yugi, but I think I do… not. You know how you said I didn't have powers? I'm not so sure anymore."

OMFG! Dun-dun-duuuuuuuuuun! So Ryou _does_ have other powers apart from being British (which he isn't (I don't think))! R+R plz, flames accepted. But be kind. Just think of the muffins you'll coughwon'tcough get!


	5. What's Kirby Got To Do With It?

This has got to be the fastest update I've had yet. W007. Now let's get on with it. Previously on SMABB… Ryou and Yugi plummet 50 feet from the sky after flying away from police, only to be saved by a mysterious blue blob, which turns out to be a forcefield that Ryou can conjure up whenever he damn well feels like.  
(A/N: Where there is a blank line there should be a plot/scene divider.)

Ryou and Yugi trudged wearily home that afternoon. Ryou went straight to bed and slept through dinner and the giant phone argument between Yami Bakura and Yami Yugi about the contents of certain water balloons. Yugi flopped on his couch and played _Touch! Kirby_ on DS for 2 hours straight. Neither said anything to anyone about what happened.  
The next morning Ryou contemplated what happened previously. What the shit was that little blue blob? Where had it come from? How did he get it to come out in the first place? Could he get it out again? What was that delicious smell?  
Yugi also contemplated yesterday's events. How do I get around level 12 in that Kirby game?

The police were still checking the scene for clues. "Looky here!" said one of them. "This guard's got somethin' in his stomach!" The other cops gathered round and stared at the knife in the dead man's body. But this wasn't a knife. This was a small spike, very small, that was black, purple and yellow.  
One cop suggested, "The thieves could have used knife-thingy to cut open the glass case around the Shine-O-Rama." A murmur of agreement rippled through the policemen.  
One of the policemen smiled malevolently. "Oh yes," they said. "They could have…" They turned and left, muttering softly, "… had it not been me that stole it…"

Ryou and Yugi met up at Yugi's house to discuss things. Although the main topic of the meeting was "Why does everyone think we stole the Shine-O-Rama?", one out of two hours was spent discussing "Why won't Kirby go any faster damn it?".  
Finally the DS was put aside and the two brainstormed for ideas. "Are there any clues towards us being the culprits?" asked Ryou. Yami, who had come to help them, shrugged. "I'll check the news, but since you escaped from jail, it would be you they suspect immediately. Who else would want it, apart from the people who just stole it?"  
After Yami had left the room, Ryou said, "If he's gonna help us, he should know the truth, don't you think?"  
Yugi glared at Ryou. "Are you CRAZY?" he hissed.  
"Doctor K says I might be, but I don't trust him."  
"Well, what if he blabs? What if we wake up one day and find our house overrun with scientists and police who both want to take us away?"  
Ryou shrugged. "What if we don't?"  
"THAT'S NOT THE POINT RYOU!"  
"What's not the point?" came Yami's voice from downstairs.  
Yugi quickly replied, "Ryou says that Yoshi is cooler then Kirby, and I'm saying he's not. Nothing to worry about!"  
Ryou muttered, "Yeah, it's not like Yugi can fly and throw his razor-hair at people and I can create force-fields-" A series of strangling noises came from Ryou's mouth.  
"Shut up you fool, he'll hear us! And like I said-"  
"HOLY SHAZBOT!" Yami came hurtling through the room. "The news says that one of the guards was found murdered at the museum. In his body they found a knife of some sort. It was black, purple and yellow, and that's the colours of-"  
"-my hair" finished Yugi. He glanced at Ryou, then said, "Yami, there's something we have to tell you."

GO KIRBY!

That afternoon was full of surprises. Yami found out about Ryou and Yugi's secret, Yugi beat level 12, Bakura cooked shepherds pie for dinner. But the biggest surprise was yet to come.  
The next morning, Yugi woke up with the house empty. A note on the fridge said that Yami was going out for a couple of hours. Yugi never suspected that what Yami was doing would involve him.  
Yami walked down the road, thinking of Yugi's predicament. Maybe, he thought, maybe I should- no, I can't. But should I? These thoughts make him take a wrong turn. He realized this 10 minutes later, and when he did, swore loudly.  
He arrived at the police station half an hour late. "Late again, Mouto?" said the constable. "We can't keep you if you keep turning up late. Now get over to the museum and continue your case on the diamond theft."

Now, did everyone understand that? Do I have to explain it? I hope not. Do the math yourself. Just read the last paragraph and the one about the cops. Work it out.  
R+R people. Winter's coming, flames accepted.


	6. The Girt

Hurrah! Or maybe not, it depends. I only got one review for chappy 5… TT am I losing my touch? Well, here goes another chapter of SMABB.

/\0071(4, )00)!1

In the peaceful suburb of insert city here, someone had to figure it out.

It was on the web, in the papers.

Even Ryou had figured it out.

The previously mentioned character and his trusty partner-in-ex-crime sat at Ryou's breakfast table. "AHA!" yelled Ryou, making Yugi spill his coffee. "I figured it out!"

"Figured what out, Ryou?" yawned Yugi.

"The answer to 7-down! It's "Seattle"! See, it's 'sea turtle' but 'without hesita-'"

"I don't CARE, Ryou. I just want to know how we can clear our names. We need to fill in the blanks, first."

"And the plot-holes…" murmured Ryou.

"Whatever. Anyway, clearing our names is the main priority. So… any idea how?"

Silence.

More silence.

Even more silence.

"What's a six-letter word for 'hated'?"

Silence.

"'Loathes'."

Silence.

"Right, thanks."

Suddenly, an immense plot hole gaped open in front of the unmistakable sound of sirens filled the room. Ryou stared at Yugi, who stared at Ryou, who stared at Yugi again, who stared at the giant plot hole out the window at the fast approaching police cars.

"Wow," gasped Yugi, "4Kids will be screwed after this."

"Come out with your hands up!" yelled a policeman. "We have you girt!"

"You have us what?"

"DO NOT QUESTION THE GIRT!"

"We didn't, we just-"

"WE? Ryou, YOU said that, not me!"

"I SAID, COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP!"

"Can you just shut up a sec? Now, Yugi, if we're going to be surviving right now, we have more to worry about than who said what to whom."

"But I know that already! You said "You have us what?" to the policeman!"

"But that's not the point! The point is-"

"YOU DON'T HAVE A POINT, RYOU!"

"Oh, shut up!" yelled the policeman.

A single bullet flew through the air, hit the glass, smashed it, and flew straight towards Yugi and Ryou. "NO!" yelled Ryou, and held up his hand. A blue forcefield appeared out of his hand and engulfed the two, deflecting the bullet effortlessly. "Woot!" yelled Ryou, as another bullet reflected off the bullets surface.

There was a silence.

"Are you to dead yet? I want to finish my book!" asked another policeman.

Ryou let his forcefield down. "Um… what book?"

The policeman hesitated. "War and Peace," he said. "Why?"

Ryou paused this time. "I read that, for an exam in English. Interesting book, really. Heavy, though."

The policeman nodded in agreement. "Hey, does that mean you're not dead?"

Yugi replied, "Um… depends…"

"On WHAT?"

"Whether you shoot us again or not."

"Oh. OK then," he said, and unleashed a storm of machine-gun fire at them.

Yugi recoiled, waiting for the pain, as did Ryou…

…waiting…

…Yugi opened his eyes…

…and found himself looking at a massive conga line of bullets, frozen in space and time in front of him.

Ryou blinked. "Yugi?"

"No?"

"OK then…"

The two wandered off. They walked out the door. Everything was frozen. The policeman who had shot at them, the 'girt' policeman, a car crash down the road, the helicopter overhead, they were all frozen. EVERYTHING.

A deep voice spoke, coming from no-where. It said merely, "Without me, you'd be proper fu- oh, damn G ratings. You owe me one…" and it faded.

"What the hell was THAT?" asked Ryou. Yugi shrugged in reply. "I dunno, but let's get the hell out of here" he said, and casually strolled off down the road, with Ryou trailing after him in desperation.

It was midday, as it had been for 25 minutes before time realized it had taken a wrong turn. This time rift had given Ryou and Yugi enough time to, as Yugi had said, "get the hell out of here". They had walked downtown, stolen a magazine or two (Ryou was especially delighted at that. "Another crossword!" he had yelped. Yugi had pretended he didn't know him, which was stupid seeing as there was no-one that could actually see them), and had just walked into Yugi's favourite milkshake shop before time made a U-turn and looked at the map before driving off the right way.

The two sat down after ordering. Ryou took out a pen from his pocket ("Nerd" muttered Yugi under his breath) and started his crossword. Yugi took out a MAD magazine. The milkshakes arrived in no time at all, and as Yugi sipped casually at his drink while surreptitiously hiding a Playboy magazine under the MAD, Ryou yelled "I've got it!" again, making Yugi spill his milkshake all over himself and drop his Playboy, which he quickly cut into pieces with a section of his hair.

"GOD DAMN IT RYOU!" he barked furiously. "What did you get now, 17-fricking-down?"

Ryou cowered as far as he could under the table without leaving his seat. "Actually, I just realized-" He was interrupted by Yugi sighing-yelling "Just shut up Ryou!" while wiping his shirt with the shredded remains of his PB magazine. Ryou glared at him menacingly. Yugi glanced at him and sensed he wanted to say something. "What is it Ryou?" he said impatiently.

Ryou shook his head. "What is it?" asked Yugi again. Ryou picked up his pen and wrote on his napkin:

_You told me to shut up_.

"Oh for God's sake Ryou. Don't take it too literally…"

Ryou scribbled another note down.

_Say you're sorry_.

"Wha- oh for the love of 1337… I'm sorry I yelled at you Ryou. OK?" Ryou nodded, and said, "Well, I was saying, I realized how we could clear our names." Yugi looked dumbfounded. Why had Ryou figured it out before him? Damnit. Ryou seemed to read Yugi's thoughts. "Ha! Whaddaya say to THAT! How do ya like me now, huh!"

Yugi knocked Ryou unconscious and dragged his limp body away from the staring customers of the milkshake shop.

"Now, where can we go where we can't get caught by the police? Where is the last place police would EVER go? Who can we stay with that no-one would suspect? Hmm… not Joey, he's always getting into fights… not Mai, she's just always in the wrong place at the wrong time… like the famous Pineapple Incident… not Kaiba, he's just creepy…" A thought crossed his mind, looked around, imprinted itself in Yugi's mind, then decided it needed somewhere roomier, and left Yugi's mind to find someone stupider. Yugi thought this idea was brilliant, and set off straight away to his friend's house.

The thought wondered off in search of a person with more room in his or her skull. It eventually found Joseph Wheeler, who at that time was unconscious on the sofa after 15 too many slices of pizza. The thought slipped into his daydreaming mind and settled down.

When he woke up several hours later, Joey's dream confused him. Why did he suddenly think of Tea Gardener?

R+R please! Well, if you're reading this you've already done the first R. So why not kill two birds with one stone? Go ahead… you know you want to…


	7. The Wrath Of Anzu

Holy beached whale riding a flaming skateboard down Mount Kilimanjaro! After 2 years, I hath risen once more! Just as Nostradamus predicted. And with me a bring the eventual completion of this silliness, because I don't like unfinished business. It's what makes vengeful spirits, you know. But anyway, here it goes – Chapter 7 of Spike Man and British Boy!

From the perspective of, say, someone who just moved in to the neighbourhood, Tea Gardner was the epitome of pure goodness. She was cute, helpful, kind, although a bit irritating with the whole "I'm your bestest friend everest! And friendship can help us to accomplish anything!" thing.

But, like most of us, Tea had a dark side. She called this "evil, imitation Tea" (as Joey so fluently put it) Anzu.

People who knew her well, such as Yugi, Tristan, Joey and Spencer McShazbot (her next-door neighbour), knew that when Anzu came out, you better get the fuck out of the way. When Anzu was 'in control', she would go down to the local pub, down about 10 shots of vodka (earning $50 in the process), then go about her nightly chores, which mostly involved knocking over a minimum of 5 garbage bins, starting a pub brawl, and setting Joey's house on fire.

There were 4 (known) reasons that Tea would switch to Anzu.

**1.** Her favourite TV show is cancelled (which, surprisingly, happens at least once a fortnight, which just goes to show that she watches very bad TV shows).

**2.** She is woken up before 8:00am (exactly), or 11:00am weekends.

**3.** The pizza boy gives her the wrong pizza/gives her the wrong change/asks for a pair of her underpants.

**4.** Someone interrupts her "me time".

By the time Ryou and Yugi got to Tea's apartment, it was 2:37pm.

Yugi glanced at his watch. "Oh," he managed to whisper. "Fuck."

Ryou whirled around, expecting a police car or helicopter to close in on them at any minute. "What? Where are they? Should I take my sleepy pill now?"

"No, no, no police. Worse. It's 2:37."

A look of realisation slowly spread over Ryou's face, followed by a look of sheer terror. "Yugi, we have to come back another time. I mean… it's 2:37, for crying out loud! If we go in there… we could… we could DIE!"

"I know, Ryou, but it's a risk we're going to have to take. We can't just 'go back' – the police will be combing the city for us, and we pretty much have no other place to stay. Hell, I'm surprised they aren't here by now, though Tea's place isn't that likely a location for us to be."

Ryou gulped reluctantly. "Alright, but at the first sign of any danger, I'll get Cho up and you fly us the hell out of here."

Yugi nodded. "Alright, sounds like a- wait, Cho? Who or what the hell is that?"

Ryou looked embarrassed. "It's… it's my name for… for the little blob thing..." He quickly looked down, seemingly fascinated with the tip of his shoelace.

Yugi rolled his eyes, but what could he say – he was expecting that sort of thing from Ryou. "Yeah, sure, Cho. Whatever," he breathed, then, mustering every inch of confidence he had, knocked on Tea's door.

Nothing.

Ryou exhaled. "Maybe she isn-"

Suddenly, a huge wave of pain rushed over Ryou. He clutched his head in agony, and almost fell over. Images formed in his mind – which was quite odd; it had never happened before during a migraine – then slowly grouped themselves together to form animations. He knew he had never seen them before, but he felt as if they were familiar in some way… as if he had seem them already.

The first one struck him very odd: two stick figures with spiffy hair (undoubtedly him and Yugi) were sprawled on the floor before a screaming girl holding a bucket of icecream and the largest spoon he had ever seen. It wouldn't take a genius to figure that one out – but when had that happened? And why stick figures?

The second one made even less sense: he saw a… dancing? Yes, it was a dancing cup of coffee, marked by a flashing neon sign above it that declared, "I AM A MOCHA LATTE, DRINK ME". It was suddenly picked up by a gloved hand and raised to a blurred face that felt strangely familiar. Another neon sign appeared, this time above the stranger, shouting to all that could see: "HELLO THERE, RYOU! JUST FILL OUT THESE PAPERS HERE… IT'S ALL CONNECTED, RYOU. EVERYONE, EVERYTHING." Suddenly, the lights exploded, and the third movie slowly faded into vision.

Dark. Ryou didn't like this dark. It wasn't natural. It wasn't… it wasn't _right._

Then, a light. Small, flickering, in the distance. It was… a torch, he was sure of that, but the person holding it was unclear.

Then, _BOOM._ Slightly muffled. A trail of white flew straight through the air… towards him. A… what was it?

The trail began to illuminate the room – he could smell something burning. What? Where was this… his kitchen?

The trail grew closer, and it dawned on Ryou…

… a bullet?

There wasn't time, it was coming closer, the turkey has to be just right! Wait… he didn't say that? What are you on about, Ryou?! Stop being so-

The bullet hit.

Blink.

_What the?_ Ryou thought. What the hell was that? And what is that horrible noise? And slowly he began to remember – the cops, the crossword, Tea's apartment –

Oh dear Lord.

Tea's apartment.

Everything came into focus – he was lying on the floor, Yugi was standing over him, and thankfully the door behind him was closed. "Ryou? What the hell was that?" Yugi was saying. Ryou looked up at him questioningly, and Yugi elaborated. "Well, we were just-" Yugi was temporarily cut off by the strange loud noise rising in volume, then dying out after a few seconds. "-door to open. You started to say something, and then you just stopped. When I looked around, you were lying on the ground, perfectly still, mouthing something… I picked a few words up but it didn't make much sense; just snippets, like 'I am a something' and 'just something these something'. Then you kind of just… stopped. Hell, I think you stopped breathing for a minute! Care to explain what happened?"

Ryou opened his mouth, but what was interrupted by the strange and loud noise again. What the hell was that? It seemed to be coming closer… now it's unlocking the door- wait, what? Oh God-

"YUGI! LOOK OUT!" Ryou cried. Yugi reacted immediately, throwing himself sideways just in time to avoid: a) the door slamming open violently, and b) a flurry of ninja death stars embedding themselves into the wall behind where Yugi's head had been. "Motherf-"

"**Are you aware of what time it is…?" **said a deep voice from the shadows beyond the door. The pain in Ryou's head felt like it was at its peak.

Yugi, now sprawled out on the flaw like Ryou, opened his mouth, but no words came out.

"**EXACTLY!" **boomed the voice. A light flickered on somewhere inside, and suddenly Tea's face was illuminated – but it wasn't Tea anymore. Her normally large and innocent eyes were now narrow and seemed to be… glowing red. The voice continued. **"And what time does The Adventures Of Mister McStick start?!"**

Ryou barely managed to whisper, "2:30". He felt as if simply Anzu's presence was crushing his lungs.

"**And WHAT TIME," **Anzu continued, more and more malice edging into her voice, **"WHAT TIME DOES ME-TIME START?!?!?"**

Ryou gasped for air. He heard a high-pitched moan beside him, which was met by a glare so venomous it made Yugi start hacking and coughing.

"**WHAT TIME, DAMNIT?!"**

Ryou gave in. "T… two… twenty-nine…" Then something slotted into place in his mind. "Wait… what show… were you watching?"

Anzu was clearly taken aback by the fact that anyone had dared to say anything to her other than the time, "Here are your drinks, Queen Anzu", "Ow, what was hell was _that_ for?" or "JESUS CHRIST, IT'S A MONSTER!" This had never, _ever_ happened before. **"The… The Adventures of Mister McStick… why?"**

It made sense. Ryou continued, more confidently. "And what flavour is your icecream?"

Anzu was genuinely shocked. **"How… how do you know I'm eating icecream?"**

Ryou picked himself off of the floor, looked her straight in her eyes, and calmly said, "And correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't your spoon absolutely freaking huge?"

Anzu blinked, then suddenly her eyes grew larger and less red. "Ryou? What are you doing here? Oh… did you… yeah, you woke her up, didn't you? Sorry about tha- Yugi? What the hell are you doing on the floor?" Her reply was nothing less then another high-pitched moan, followed by a whisper of, "Can I breathe now?"

Tea turned off the TV and sat down. "So you need a place to stay, huh? Mind if I ask why?"

Ryou looked over at Yugi, who was now rapidly shovelling spoonfuls of nothing into his mouth and crying out, "Oxygen, I missed you so much!" _Maybe it's time to make an executive decision,_ thought Ryou. "Sorry, Tea. I'd love to tell you, but it's a bit…" He looked over at Yugi again. "…well, weird more than anything else, but also private."

Tea sighed. "Alright, fine, I won't go anywhere near this private thing of yours. Oh, and by the way… what was Anzu saying? Because, if she said _anything_ mean, I want you to know that I didn't mean it, and I'm sorry, and-

"Tea, it's OK! She didn't say anything mean… she didn't get a chance to. I kinda interrupted her by… well, she was eating icecream, and…" It was starting to make sense to Ryou now – that first little mind movie he had seen. There was him and Yugi, on the ground; Tea, with her huge spoon and her icecream; and the Adventures of Mister McStick, which explained the stick figures. So that must mean…

"Holy crap!" he yelled out, making Yugi choke on his spoon. He leapt up, grabbed Yugi and dragged him into the bathroom.

"Yugi!" he hissed into the flustered teen's ear. "I think I may be psychic!"

Yugi spat out his mouthful of air (also known as exhaling). "Ryou, that's ridiculous. I mean, the blob was one thing, but now this…"

"No, no, you have to believe me! When I passed out or something before Anzu came-"he and Yugi simultaneously shuddered, "-I saw these… strange sort of… movies, really. Now don't look at me like that, I'm serious. Anyway, in the first one, we were _stick figures_, we were _lying on the ground_, and Anzu was _eating icecream_ with a _ridiculously large spoon_. It all makes sense when you put it together with my conversation with her! I think I can predict the future!"

Yugi was looking at him very oddly. "OK then… so you can predict Anzu yelling at us. Hell, I saw that coming too. I'm not sure about the stick figures, but most women eat icecream in their me-time."

Ryou saw the truth in Yugi's words. "Well, I guess… but then there were the other ones! There was the dancing coffee-" Now Yugi was looking at him as if he were a psychopath. _Which,_ Ryou thought, _I could very well be._ "And then there were those words I was mouthing. He was telling me to fill out the papers… and it was all connected… and then that last one…" Then something dawned on him.

If the first 'movie' had proved to be true…

What if the last one was?

That's all for now, but stay tuned for an actual plot! Now with added twists!

Read and, if you're up to it, review. It would be nice if you did – it makes me look good!


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